Ok, my exam dates are out:
13th October: OSCEs @ Queen Elizabeth
3rd November: Supplementary OSCEs (Hopefully I don't get involved....)
7th November: Triple Jump Exam
9th November: MEQ Exam
15th November: Practical Exam
16th November: MCQ/SAQ Exam
17th November: Going Home!!! ETA @1745hrs
Can't wait to get this over with....
9/30/2005 10:22:00 PM , lovin till it hurts
Tuesday, September 27, 2005Ok, this website is really freaking me out. No website has ever been this accurate in predicting my personality and love life so accurately. Yesh, I am finally admitting I am good in science and I have a special talent for digging out the gold in medicine. Everyone I know has said that to me, and I have been in denial for the last 1 1/2 yrs, so yes, I am good at it: what takes people 2 weeks to go through I do in 2 days for med. Not the point, but this website is really.... erhm... first time it's happen so accurately so far.
9/27/2005 11:20:00 PM , lovin till it hurts
Monday, September 26, 2005If God is so good, then why does he allow all these things to befall us? It is because of Perfect Love. Let me tell you a story:
There was once a father and a 5 year old son. He wanted to learn how to ride a skateboard and insisted he could do it himself. The father warned him against it, and tried to teach him the right way to do it. The boy ignored his father's warning and decided to try it on his own. He fell and hurt himself. Another person saw this and asked the father why he did not stop the child, and he answered, "He needed to learn, through trial and error. If I held his hand throughout, he will never learn to do it on his own, or learn to grow."
This is the same thing with our Father in heaven. He loves us so much, it is the perfect love. Out of this love has borne Free Will. This allows us to make our own decisions, like the boy did in the story. Our Father knows what is happening and it hurts him just as much. He has given us the instructions, the commandments, but just like the boy, we choose to ignore it and that is when disaster starts. But He loves us so much he wants us to grow through this, to repent and know the error of our ways. That is why he allows all these to happen to us.
Are we capable of such an act of love though? Can we love a person so much we can love them even if they hurt us or do not love us in return? To allow free will, not forcing the other person to love us in return, while becoming the happiest person alive if they did? To forgive everything unconditionally, no matter how much they had hurt us? Are we capable of such love?
9/26/2005 10:53:00 PM , lovin till it hurts
Sunday, September 25, 2005| The Keys to Your Heart |
 In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved. You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change. You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please. Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily. |
9/25/2005 09:24:00 AM , lovin till it hurts
Friday, September 23, 2005Take My Breath Away.... Think Jessica Simpson did a great job with this old classic. Not that old though, Top Gun was in the early 90s right? There's only one person who can take my breath away right now, you know who you are. Love you too much to hurt you, that's why I'm doing what you have asked me to do for you: to be a friend. It hurts, sure it does, but I'll wait till you are ready again, but meantime I will do what you ask of me because I still love you, and you know that. Don't feel upset or bad, I don't want you to. I just want to be who you want me to be.... I understand what you are going through right now, I've been there before, I should know. I'll always be there, waiting at the side for the day you are ready. I'm still your friend no matter what.
9/23/2005 05:36:00 PM , lovin till it hurts
Wednesday, September 21, 2005Finally.... holidays, but that means time to chiong revision. Was behind time for that few days, but pia-ed and made up good time on it. Now I'm just slightly behind instead of drastically behind like a few days back. Really good.... back on track. But haiz, doc agrees with me still, I have a chronically elevated stress levels. Need to find outlet and to not think about the stuff in life causing me stress. Seeing her again after my OSCEs to re-assess my stress levels.... hopefully i can control it by then.... pple, talk to me leh, feeling bored....
9/21/2005 11:25:00 PM , lovin till it hurts
Thursday, September 15, 2005Disability is worse than death itself, that is my conclusion after seeing what they have to go through today. You know simply going up a ramp takes so much effort? Almost 3/4 of us couldn't go up the ramp on a wheelchair. And to need assistance to bathe, also need a colonostomy and IDC done on you.... Plus all the possible unforeseen circumstances? Those people must be so strong psychologically to survive. Enjoy yourself, enjoy your life, be happy with what you have and never forget how lucky you are to be alive and able to walk.
9/15/2005 10:43:00 PM , lovin till it hurts
Saturday, September 10, 2005Recipes I'm going to try during the holidays:
1. Beef Kway Teow
2.BBQ Chicken Pizza
3.Curry Chicken
4.Fried Kway Teow
5.Char Siew Chicken
6.Satay
Anyone wants to pop by my place during the hols? =D
Karen/Pip/Neha: Dinner date's changed to end of hols when u gals get back. It's better that way. Stephen and I will decide what experiments to try. Update me as to when u gals can make it. =)
9/10/2005 11:53:00 PM , lovin till it hurts
Friday, September 09, 2005Yesterday I was out in the hospital as usual and my friend and I got to see one patient together. She had multiple pathologies all impingeing on one another, but I sensed something else was amiss. She seemed a bit off, but hey, she's in her 80s and thus normal for them. She claimed she was an anxious person and had been treated for anxiety disorder, but somehow it didn't seem right to me either. What struck me most then was I could sense that she was really sad and unhappy. You could say no one would be happy to be stuck in a hospital, but it just wasn't normal, I was concerned. I was able to speak to her for a while, have some fun, made her smile a little and most importantly, listen to her. At the end of the day, I could sense that she was a lot happier because of my actions. I was really glad that i could for that one moment bring some joy into her life. I won't say more about her condition, but considering all the complaints and test results so far, I am really really concerned about her. My chain of thoughts at all the "end-points" just didn't seem to bright, either way if I'm right about anything, she doesn't have very long, though she doesn't know it yet. As for her being depressed, I am right: her drug chart had an anti-depressant on it. She just doesn't seem right to me and I suspected it after a while.
How I felt after that? Despite all my personal problems of late, all the unhappiness and sadness in my life, though there are still moments of joy, I am able to bring moments of joy and happiness to the life of others. I am grateful to the Lord for such an opportunity. He called me to this life of service to others and to have a chance now to bring joy to the life of others.... well, let's just say the old saying holds true: Learn to love rather than seek to be loved. I made her happy for that day, and I felt that if anything at all, I have done my job. My partner didn't "smell" that there was a problem somewhere, but I could sense it. God-given 6th sense? I don't know, or maybe it just takes a depressed person to identify another. The patient at one point thought I was her doctor and told me she wished I was. What that meant? I don't know either, maybe she wished I was so I could give her some answers to ease her worries. I knew what was going on, but I didn't dare say a thing, because the outlook wasn't too bright and also I didn't want to interfere in the consultant's work and be too smart for my own good. I just pray it isn't what I think it is.
9/09/2005 09:21:00 AM , lovin till it hurts
Tuesday, September 06, 2005"If I were ill, I want you to be my doctor. I trust you unquestionably and unconditionally with my life."
I have that said to me a lot of times now. It hasn't made a difference each time. I'm still really touched and am shedding tears inside. Sometimes openly. It is not just my friends who have said that but I have my mentors and tutors who said that to me personally before. It really touches me when someone who I'm suppose to be learning from tells me something like that, even friends.
But then again, am I really that great? I don't really think so. Or do I just have a very low self-esteem? Maybe.... Because I seem great to everyone except myself. But to say you trust someone with your life, I have even been told that they want me at the surgery table if they have to go for one, that person must be worthy of your trust and respect I guess. That is something I have not resolved within myself. But I will always try my best for my patients.
All these actually sprung from a chit chat session I had with my tutor/metor the other day. I see her more as my friend now, considering she knows so much about me and she is one of the few who truly understands me here. She told me one thing about myself which a few people already told me about. My wisdom is beyond my years. My mentality, the way I handle myself she felt is that of someone who has experienced a lot in life. What I believe? I'd say it's a gift from above. Gift of Wisdom? I don't know. I don't think I have been through as much as some people have, like chronic illnesses, death in the family, all these is a lot more than I have went through.
There is a lot more stories and stuff I have, but if you people wanna catch up with me and stuff, just drop me an e-mail or MSN me yah? My hols are in 1 1/2 weeks time, it's hardly a holiday, but I can still chat. You know me better by know: I multi-task, chat, music and study at the same time. So far it's worked fine, so don't worry.
9/06/2005 09:20:00 PM , lovin till it hurts
Monday, September 05, 2005Are you swimming upstream in an ocean of blue?
Do you feel like you are sinking?
Are you sick of all the rain after all you've been through?
Well I know what you are thinking when you can't take it.
You can make it
Some time soon I know you'll see
'Cos when you're in your darkest hourand all of the light just fades away.
When you're like a single flower whose colours have turned to shades of grey.
Well hang on and be strong.
We're taking each step one day at a time.
You can't lose your spirit.
Let live, let live forget and forgive.
It is all how you see it and just remember keep it together.
Don't you know you're never alone.
No you're not defeated and soon you'll be smiling once again.
Then you won't have to feel it.
Let it go with the wind.
Time passes us by and know that you're allowed to cry.
Life has been starting to get tough recently, but I guess what the composer of this song went through was a lot more. She had to fight off lymphoma and she was just 18. I just hope this doesn't sink into the hell like in first semester. One of the religious I spoke to about what I went through during the first semester told me this: Remember, He is with you when you were walking through hell. He was there, He knows and He loves you.
Lord, I surrender everything to you: My emotional stresses, my psychological disorders, my worries and concerns, my disappointments and my unhappiness, my broken relationships, Lord I surrender all to you: Let it be done to me according to thy Will, I put my trust in you. Lord, you have chosen me to serve your people as a physician, to bring hope when there is despair, to bring your love where there is hate, and most of all to manifest your love. Help me to be a better person each day, loving my neighbour perfectly and treating everyone with love and respect. Help me to do the right thing in each dilemma I may face, relationships with others or otherwise.
9/05/2005 10:44:00 PM , lovin till it hurts
Sunday, September 04, 2005Lord, make me a channel of thy peace,
Where there is hatred, I may bring Your Love;
Where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness;
Where there is discord, I may bring harmony;
Where there is error, I may bring truth;
Where there is doubt, I may bring faith;
Where there is despair, I may bring hope;
Where there are shadows, I may bring light;
Where there is sadness, I may bring joy.
O Divine Master, grant that I may never seek so much to be consoled as to console
to be understood as to understand;
And to be loved as to love with all my heart and soul.
For it is by self-forgetting that one finds.
It is by forgiving that one is forgiven.
It is by dying that one awakens to Eternal Life.
After feeling so long that I have been unloved and after some self reflection and talking to dad, I think I have to be honest to myself. Have I truly loved as much as I should? If people are still unhappy around me, or if I have hurt them in any way, then I have failed to love as I should. Also in my job in the future, we are called to give but never to receive. Have I been able to do that so far? Have I made the patients I see feel happier? Not all the time, no. So instead of being unhappy and whiney, I should focus on making myself a better person, keeping in mind what St Paul said: Love is one thing that can never hurt your neighbour. To learn to love a perfect love in this life is the most important thing I feel, for with this, our relationships can be perfect and violence and hatred will no longer exist. Love conquers all.
9/04/2005 10:37:00 AM , lovin till it hurts
