Sunday, November 12, 2006
"Courage is the resistance to fear, mastery of fear; not the absence of fear."You know what? despite everyone working so hard, we are all scared we'll fall flat on our faces this exam. everyone i've spoken to have that fear, wishing they'd work harder or done something differently. me? i don't because i know i've given my absolute best, if this still isn't enough, then i do not know what will be. i give my very best for around 9 mths, enjoy my life for the other 3, that's the deal i made to myself.
no one is guaranteed that golden ticket to yr 4, not me, not anyone and to believe so is truly delusional, cos anything can still happen until the board meets on the 8th, we won't know. i have my fears and i face it.... my life thus far has taught me not to be out down or put off by a mistake or a problem. yeah sure, get upset about it, get depressed and what not, but be damned sure i've learnt to pick myself off the floor when that happens.... not that i've failed or anything, i don't think i will, but like i say, no guarantees. 2 mistakes so far this exam, but both actually quite small. not careless mistakes but simply made the wrong call. i mean, shit happens, docs dun always make the right call either. it's the way our minds work. if i was given a different set of info (which i will be in real life cos i can ask the patients then) those calls wouldn't have been made, cos i did have my suspicion, just i couldn't ask the patient since these were paper cases. but oh well, thank god, small mistakes.... not a biggy like last yr's....=)
11/12/2006 10:17:00 AM , lovin till it hurts
Saturday, November 11, 2006
damn sian.... really no mood liao, last 2 papers on tues... spend like 5 hrs and i went thru the whole 400+ pages of logic text.... shows how much i care abt that crap....=p it's open book for pete's sake, and really, it's not that difficult.... MCQ on tues for med? well, i've resigned to the fact that i cannot do anything abt that, cos the only possible way is to read everything for the past 3 yrs, every textbook and lect notes in my cupboard and understand that clearly.... soooo not going to happen.... i'll do this sem's lect notes, full stop k? =)
hmmm... when i go back, wad's the plan.... have to contact a few pple first for admin reasons, then i wanna meet up with the few pple i treasure most in my life.... pple like mich, serena, jol, HY, matt (it's been a long tim eh?),..... cannot think of anymore, so if ur name's not here, dun get offended k? lurve u anyway....=D jerome and his fake game! yes! hah... ORD personnel....=D i still got 91 days when i finish my course.... of course my few patients as well.... headache lah some of them.... then D-day, destiny awaits.... 8th Dec AM board of examiners will decide my fate....i want a chirstmas present from them....=)
maybe i'm starting to become delusional, but it's prob going to take a lot to fail me, ie: a disaster in sem 2 results, since i did well enuff in sem 1, which is worth 40%. seriously no matter how bad this sem result is, i dun think the disaster's going to be big enuff, or at least i wun let it be big enuff.... and also thank god, really thank god.... yesterday's paper could have been a bigger disaster if not for some luck and coincidence.... prac was ok, dun ask me about srq cos i really dunno, meq is prob A-B, depending on how some of the intuition answers go.... cos the yr 3 exams have been liddat, some things were never taught, but u have to use your clinical reasoning to get thru it? i call it intuition....=D so yeah, hopefully i do a better job of the MCQs this time... got a B for mid yrs... my ONLY B.... #$%&!!!....
11/11/2006 11:05:00 AM , lovin till it hurts
Sunday, November 05, 2006
haiz... first paper tmr... it's like the season opener: u want a good start cos it builds confidence.... it's my 2nd strongest paper so i shouldn't be complaining, but it used to be my best paper first, just they changed the order for one reason or another... but then it can be good too, cos my strongest is now slotted in between, so if it shits up, at least there's something in between that u wun feel so terrible abt.... oh well, we'll just see how....=S
on another note... i'm missing her again.... i'm not supposed to anymore and it's been a long time since it got this bad.... i'm supposed to take it with a pinch of salt, or not stress too much abt it and go with the flow.... haizzzzz.... i miss u, u noe who u are.... but i guess u dun miss me anyway..... hopefully i get to meet up with u and spend some time with u when i get back, then we can really rediscover each other in a sense? i dunno.... but at least we get to go out and still be cool with each other...=) can't wait for then....
11/05/2006 09:13:00 PM , lovin till it hurts
